..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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