He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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