hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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