I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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