She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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