I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
