Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
