It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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