Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Randomize
