I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
