i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Small penises have feelings too.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
