There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
