No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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