my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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