I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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