You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
