I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
