I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
These tits shall not be calmed
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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