? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
