I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
