I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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