Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
