I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
