I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
