I cannot find my penis.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
