I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
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His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
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Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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