I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
