she looked like the before picture.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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