I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
