Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize