Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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