I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just want to make out with him forever
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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