3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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