either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize