i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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