just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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