I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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