I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
