i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Drunk is not a location!
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