Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
