In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
