So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
