where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
