I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
