I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
