So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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