i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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