I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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