my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
