I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
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How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
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Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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