I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
