You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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