Where are you?
In a non slutty way
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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