if you like me you must not know who I am
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
