dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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