I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
