a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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