well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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