i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
