Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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