Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
