wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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