Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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